Tears & Living In Fears

When will it end? Will i just stop crying before bed? Tears come like a flood that as if never goin to dry up. Will i ever know why I fall asleep crying at night. Just the feeling of being alone makes me shudder. A constant war goin on in my body, everyday, every second. When will it end. Feelings take over my body like i have no control. First Im happy, then Im sad, then all of a sudden Im crying. It's pretty sad that the parents you live with, talk about you behind your back. For me it feels like when you lie down on those rafts in the waterand you drift away. But for me, i don't come back. I just keep drifting into space. I don't mean to sound desperate, but will someone please tell me when my tears will dry. When will it end? Everyday living in fear and pressure about something that can actually be predicted before it happened. Someone told me "seek for god's help" but personally i don't think it will help. Problem creates by human, so human have to face and solve the problem. In order to escape D.I.E is the only so called coward solution. I don't mind to be coward if the "road is full of bumpy".